SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A blonde goes to the hospital with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asks her, "How did you manage this?"
The blonde replies, "Well I was ironing and received a phone call. I accidentally picked up the iron instead of the phone."
The doctor says, "That explains one ear."
She replies, "Well they called again!"
--------------------
Men and Women perceive crime differently. Once when I was walking in New York with a boyfriend, he said, “Gee, it’s a beautiful night. Let’s go down by the river.” “What? Are you nuts?” I asked. “It’s midnight! I’m wearing jewelry! I’m carrying money! I have a vagina with me! Tomorrow,” I added, “I’ll leave it in my other pants. Then we’ll go down.”
-Elayne Boosler
--------------------
Schools. I got an F one time on a question that asked my opinion.
-Gallagher
--------------------
I’m not good at math. I’ve never been good at math. I accepted it from a very early age. My teacher would hand me a math test. I’d just write on it, “I’m going to marry someone who can do this.”
-Rita Rudner
--------------------
I was the total C student. If my son hands me his math homework, I’ll have to say, “Hon, why don’t you cheat off your little friends, or look it up in the back of the book like your father and I did.”
-Janeane Garofalo
--------------------
In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist, as I was always being suspended.
-Emo Philips
--------------------
And while we’re at it, let’s teach a follow-up class to sex education. Call it Reality 101, hammering home to a sixteen-year-old teen that he or she is going to have to quit school, quit video games, quit hanging out, and work a fifty-hour week dumping frozen chicken tenders into hot oil just so you can keep little Scooter Junior in Similac. Trust me, that’s a bigger deterrent to teenage sex than the backseat of a Yugo.
-Dennis Miller
--------------------
U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history, too. Over 90 percent of high school students think BC means Before Cable.
-Argus Hamilton
--------------------
I remember reading how a bunch of high school kids were asked to define the Monroe Doctrine, and they thought it was a new band.
-Whoopi Goldberg
--------------------
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
-George Carlin
--------------------
In high school, I was in the marching band, so you know the babes were all over me.
-Drew Carey
--------------------
You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie day.
-Jay Mohr
--------------------
New York’s Board of Education voted to require school uniforms. The kids already have guns, might as well give them uniforms too. The whole army thing.
-Jay Leno
--------------------
I remember my Catholic school days. It was awful, being a Jew and all. They said,“You killed Christ, you can’t eat him, too.” I had to bring my own Nilla wafers.
-Betsy Salkind
