Long Jokes PG204

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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.


Then, he saw a handwritten letter, propped up on the pillow.


It was addressed, 'Dad'. With a bad feeling, he opened the envelope and read the letter, hands trembling.

Dear, Dad. It’s with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.


I've found true love with Stacy. She’s so nice, but I knew you wouldn’t approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.


Dad, she's pregnant. Stacy said that we’ll be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and there’s room for a small family. We both want many more children.


Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.


In the meantime, we'll pray that scientific research will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it.


Don't worry Dad, I'm 16, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know all your grandchildren.


Love, your son, Joshua.


P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there’re worse things in life than the school report card that's on the kitchen table.

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shit-head?”

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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You might be a redneck if . . .

You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest  invention of all time.

-Jeff Foxworthy

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