SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain... do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!"
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible".
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Fewer than half of your cars run.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if . . .
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
-Jeff Foxworthy
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW