SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.”
The woman said, "That would be okay.”
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to.”
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, POOF! She's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.”
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.”
So, POOF! She's the richest woman in the world.
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered. "I'd like a mild heart attack.”
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times more mild than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women think they’re more clever than they really are. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.
PS: If you’re a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!
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When I was in college I hated it when my parents’ friends asked, “What’s your major?" I was like, “Communications? Biology? History? Art?" No college student knows what their major is. But your friends’ parents are always interested: “How did you decide on that major?" I don’t know. Maybe because it’s the fourth one on the list, and I haven’t failed it yet.
-Rosie Tran
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At Duke University, officials are so worried about their students’ staying up until one in the morning that they eliminated eight A.M. classes. Students couldn’t be happier. Now they can stay up till three A.M.
-Jay Leno
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Faculty: the people who get what’s left after the football coach receives his salary.
-Henny Youngman
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I was on a debate squad. We really had tough propositions and the teacher would often test your mettle by giving you an impossible proposition. “Resolve: Jet planes are better transportation than dog sleds. A 707 can cross the continent with 142 people in living-room comfort and relative safety in five hours.” “Thank you. And now the rebuttal for dog sleds.” “May I ask my worthy opponent if an airplane is loyal?”
-Mort Sahl
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There s now a college degree in video games. At last, a degree more worthless than political science.
-Jay Leno
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College textbooks are so boring and useless. College is supposed to prepare you for the real world, but if that’s the case, they should have a class on standing in line. The post office line. DMV line. Grocery store line. Unless Shakespeare’s clever wordplay can help me cut in front of that mom and screaming baby at the market, he’s of no use to me.
-Rosie Tran
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I was in the ROTC program. I remember once I was walking through campus and my instructor grabs me, and he’s a real big guy, and yells, “It’s been six weeks since l’ve seen you in camouflage class!” l said, “l’m getting good.”
-Emo Philips
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I took a course called “Statistical Analysis.” And there was a guy in the course who used to make up all his computations and he never used sigma. He used his own initials. Because he was the standard deviation.
-Mort Sahl
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l graduated with a philosophy degree, and the job offers just poured in. I could get more work as a gladiator. That’s why they give you the diploma rolled up in a tube: so you can see the front end of the employment line.
-Paul Provenza
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l majored in philosophy, so now I can get a job in the post Office. “l think, therefore l’m overqualified.”
-Judy Tenuta
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In Florida, the founder of Domino’s Pizza opened a university. It’s the only school that can guarantee grads a job when they get out.
-Jay Leno
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Oklahoma State University’s oldest graduate, sixty-two-year-old Steven Baker Little, formerly alcoholic and homeless, earned a degree in English. Ironically, in today’s job market, an English degree best qualifies a person to become an alcoholic homeless man.
-Jimmy Fallon
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW