SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver.
The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling.”
The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your mom was a drunk and you dad was a bum?”
The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver."
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Whoever said waiting is the hard part never gave birth to a ten-pound, six-ounce baby.
-Charlotte Lobb
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The world is a grindstone and life is your nose.
-Fred Allen
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Opening a can of worms? Do worms even come in cans?
-Ellen DeGeneres
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Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do.
-Jason Love
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My big complaint about cloning is that most human beings I meet aren’t interesting enough to fill up one existence, much less two. `
-Dennis Miller
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I wouldn’t say her bathing suit was skimpy, but l’ve seen more cotton on top of an aspirin bottle.
-Henny Youngman
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In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber’s union.
-Conan O’Brien
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Just my luck, bought a suit with two pairs of pants and burnt a hole in the jacket.
-Dick Gregory
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I asked my brother-in-law why he was wearing my raincoat. He answered, “You wouldn’t want me to get your suit wet, would you?”
-Henny Youngman
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Harrod’s in London is offering the world’s most expensive shoes, $1.5 million a pair. I saw the same shoes at Payless for $1.2 million.
-Jay Leno
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Ralph Lauren is coming out with $350 cashmere sweaters for little kids, so people in the Middle East can remember why they hate us.
-Conan O’Brien
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McDonald’s announced they are selling a line of clothing called “McKids.” McKids clothes from McDonald’s. Gee, I wonder if it will have an expandable waistband.
-Jay Leno
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I don’t get no respect. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World,
-Dave Barry
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