SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.
Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremendously long line.
So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.’'
He agrees, although his rear is in a lot of pain at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table.
Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time.
As he squeezed out a little bit, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the stench.
The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a several, more powerful, and louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room.
The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he craps on you!!''
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If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel l’ll let you have the pen.
-Steven Wright
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A penny saved is worthless.
-Dave Barry
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I think that one trick is pretty good for a pony.
-Myq Kaplan
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Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is to make your life miserable.
-Jason Love
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The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
-Steven Wright
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l may not agree with what you have to say, but l’ll defend to the death my right to criticize you for it.
-Henny Youngman
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On a scale of one to ten, you can only weigh midgets.
-Craig Sharf
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What’s the shelf life of a shelf?
-Jason Love
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An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have, the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-Agatha Christie
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Always remember, there are two sides to every broken window.
-Jackie Vernon
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If you had a million Shakespeares could they write like a monkey?
-Steven Wright
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
-Phyllis Diller
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I couldn’t wait for success, so l went ahead without it.
-Jonathan Winters
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The road to success is always under construction.
-Lily Tomlin
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They say that it’s the thought that counts. Yeah, right! Try showing up at your girlfriend’s place with a dozen thoughts. “Oh, you shouldn’t have.” “I didn’t!”
-Adam Richmond
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Time used to fly. Now it’s afraid of terrorists.
-Jason Love
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Someone asked me, “What’s your idea of a good time?" I said, “6:45.”
-Dick Cavett
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW