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In a train compartment, there are three men an a beautiful young girl.
They all join in a conversation that turns a little seductive.
The, the young girl proposes, “If each of you gives me a $1, I’ll show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by the young girl, all pull out their wallets. Then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.
She then offers, “If each of you will give me $10, I’ll show you my thighs.”
They all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her underwear..
Then the young girl says, “If you each give me $100, I’ll show you where I was operated on for appendicitis.”
Naturally, all three men handed over the money.
The girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, “There!”
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In a Jeep you can at least pretend to be cool. When you’re at a stoplight and an attractive woman pulls up alongside you, you can still smile and convince yourself “Maybe she thinks I’m enormously rugged and the car is loaded up with equipment for that very dangerous geological expedition.” But in a minivan, you’re fooling no one. You’re on your way to Gymboree, the side compartments are stuffed with diaper wipes, and the interior is all sticky with apple juice. You know what? You’re not Indiana jones, you’re a dad.
-Paul Reiser
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When I got pregnant, I knew I had to get a sensible “mom” car. So I looked at a Kia. Very reasonable, they start at around $6,000. Why so cheap? They’re made by IKEA, all the parts come to you in boxes, and the directions are in Swedish, which cuts the cost considerably.
-Wendy Kamenoff
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The other day l saw a compact Lexus. It’s the car that says, “I have money, just not a lot.”
-Reno Goodale
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I just bought a little Italian car. It’s called a Mafia. There’s a hood under the hood.
-Henny Youngman
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Fat people always drive little cars, like the RX-7, Mustang, and MR2. I pulled up behind this one man driving an Eclipse. Looked like Donkey Kong riding on Mario Kart.
-Herb Clark
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The most stolen car last year was the Toyota Camry. They’re talking with the Kia people to help them design a car no one would want to steal.
-Jay Leno
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SUVs, why must they be so big? Americans need their space. Just ask the Indians.
-Mo Rocca
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When I was a kid, l used to love going for the Christmas tree with my dad because in those days people would always tie the tree to the top of the car to get it home. People don’t do that anymore. Now SUVs are so big you just put the tree right inside. In fact, the new Cadillac Escalade actually has a dashboard Christmas tree holder.
-Jay Leno
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Premium is close to three dollars a gallon here in California. In fact, gas is so expensive, SUV now stands for “Stranded Utility Vehicle.”
-Jay Leno
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The last Volkswagen Beetle was produced in Mexico and stalled off into the sunset.
-Craig Kilborn
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Volvo has a new car designed by women, for women. It even has a global positioning device where, if it spots a husband anywhere In the world cheating, it positions itself to run the guy over.
-Jay Leno
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I took my car down to see what I could get for it on a trade-in. The dealer took a look at it and offered me a ballpoint pen.
-Henny Youngman
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Cartoon characters are going on strike. “First of all, we want more fingers.”
-Robin Williams
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