SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A tough looking biker was riding his Harley down the road when he sees a girl about to jump off a bridge, so he stops.
What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m going to commit suicide,” she explains.
He didn’t want to appear insensitive, but he didn’t want to miss an opportunity either, so he asked “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”
So, she does.
After she’s finished, the biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had. That’s a real talent you’ll be throwing away. Why are you committing suicide?”
“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…!”
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This one boyfriend was so dumb. Boy, was he dumb. I brought him home one day. I wanted to show him to my mother. She said, “Look, if you’re gonna keep it, you have to feed it and walk it.”
-Phyllis Diller
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I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I realized, well, look what’s telling me that.
-Emo Philips
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Refusal to accept reality does not change reality. My girlfriend broke up with me. I said, “I can’t imagine you leaving me.” She said, “Well, let me help. You stay here. I’m going to turn around. Then I’m going to start walking. To you, it’ll seem like I’m getting smaller.”
-Basil White
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When somebody says to you, “The last thing I want to do is hurt you,” what they really mean is, “It’s on the list. l’ve just got some other things to do first.
-Mark Schiff
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My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I said, “Remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!” She said, “I know, you’re bad luck.”
-Tom Arnold
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My boyfriend and I broke up because I went over to his house unannounced. He was upset that I’d come over without calling first, especially since he was there with another woman. He trusted me, and I let him down.
-Grace White
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I wasn’t the easiest guy to live with. I had multiple personalities, but what bothered her was that none of them made any money.
-Danny Liebert
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I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. We would have broken up after the first two weeks, but new restaurants kept opening.
-Jann Karam
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I asked my ex-girlfriend, “Do you think we’ll get back together?” She said, “I think the chances are better of me putting super unleaded into a rented car.”
-David Spade
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I don’t understand couples who break up and get back together, especially couples who divorce and remarry. That’s like pouring milk on a bowl of cereal, tasting it, and saying, “This milk is sour. I’ll put it back in the refrigerator; maybe it will be okay tomorrow.”
-Larry Miller
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I recently broke up with my tractor provider. I was scared to do it in person, so I just sent a John Deere letter.
-Myq Kaplan
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Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.
-Dave Barry
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Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight.
-Jason Love
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW