SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing.
They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seem to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters.
The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest chimes in and says, “I’m going to pray for these men everyday in my church to help their well being.”
The doctor then states, “I’m going to get the best medical care in the country to research a possible way to help with these men.
The engineer then asks, “Why don’t they just play at night?”
--------------------
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn’t have to watch.
-Dave Barry
--------------------
We had natural childbirth. We had our baby on a bed of lettuce at the Sizzler.
-Bob Saget
--------------------
We had a C-section. That’s when the baby comes out like toast.
-Bob Goldthwait
--------------------
I was born by C-section. This was the last time I had my mother’s complete attention.
-Richard Jeni
--------------------
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over, and said, “Look: twins.”
-Rodney Dangerfield
--------------------
When I gave birth, I had twins, my daughter and my husband. They were both immature and bald.
-Grace White
--------------------
It was probably a coincidence, but right after I was born, my mom and dad left town.
-Bob Hope
--------------------
A sixty-five-year-old woman in India gave birth yesterday. The kid looked just like his father: bald, no teeth, and wearing diapers.
-Jay Leno
--------------------
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So, what did you think?”
-Steven Wright
--------------------
My wife wanted a big party for our son’s first birthday. I thought my idea was better, that we take him to the county fair, put him on a pony, and have his picture taken. Then I’d take the picture home and put it in a drawer. Eight or nine years from now when he finds the picture and comes to me to ask, “Dad, what was this?" I can say, “Son, that was your first birthday when I bought you a pony. One day I had to go out of town, and your mom didn’t take care of him, and he died.”
-Jeff Jena
--------------------
For my birthday, my old man showed me a picture of a cake. I sat there all day trying to blow out the candles.
-Rodney Dangerfield
--------------------
I don’t get respect from anyone. My twin brother forgot my birthday.
-Rodney Dangerfield
--------------------
I walked into a store and said, “It’s my wife’s birthday. I’d like to buy her a beautiful pen.” The clerk winked at me and said, “A little surprise, heh?" I said, "Yes, she’s expecting a Cadillac.”
-Henny Youngman
--------------------
I can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
-Fred Allen
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW