SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A mother-in-law decides to test her three son-in-laws, for their good naturedness.
In order to do this, she goes for a walk by a river with the first son-in-law and jumps in.
He saves her, and the next morning he finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his home, with a note saying: from your Mother-in-law.
She goes for a walk by a river with the second son-in-law and jumps in.
He also saves her, and the next morning he too finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his home, with a note saying: from your Mother-in-law.
Finally she goes for a walk by a river with the third son-in-law and jumps in.
He just laughs and walks away.
The next morning he too finds a Mercedes parked outside his home, with a note saying: from your Father.
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We had twin boys. Which is great, because we each got the child we wanted, and one for parts.
-Tom Cotter
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When I was a baby, I cried an awful lot, but my mother said she wouldn’t change me for a million. My father said, “Maybe if you’d change him, he’d stop crying.”
-Henny Youngman
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I never loved anyone so much at first meeting. But let’s make no mistake why these babies come here: to replace us. We’ll see who’s wearing the diapers when all this is over.
-Jerry Seinfeld
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As a working mom, l’ve got no time whatsoever to change diapers, even the disposable ones: Huggies, Snuggies. I’m waiting for them to invent Pluggies, diapers worn internally.
-Caryn Leschen
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What a childhood! I was breast-fed by my father.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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Why would you want someone in your house who craps in his pants while looking you in the eye?
-Jerry Seinfeld
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If you pull at babies too hard, they’ll spew like a can of beer. I used to shake up my daughter and hand her to people I didn’t like. “Hold her just a minute, would ya?”
-Jeff Foxworthy
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Until I was six years old, I thought Alpo was baby Food.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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Bachelor: a rolling stone who gathers no boss.
-Henny Youngman
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They usually have two tellers in my local bank. Except when it’s very busy, when they have one.
-Rita Rudner
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A fellow walks into a bank and says, “Give me all your money!” The manager says, “Take the books, too: I’m $10,000 short.”
-Henny Youngman
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It only seems like it would be Funny to enter a bank wearing a ski mask.
-Jason Love
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I don’t get no respect. My bank told me they’ll give me a free gift if I close my account.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked the bartender for a double. He brought out a guy who looked just like me.
-Rodney Dangerfield
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“As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world, and then get my own apartment.”
-Jay Leno
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I asked, “What is this blended coffee?" And the waiter said, “Yesterday and today’s.”
-Phyllis Diller
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW