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A young boy has trouble in his math classes, and is failing in public school.
His parents weren’t religious, but with the encouragement of some friends, they decided a private Catholic school may be more effective.
His grades began to rise dramatically after the switch was made.
His parents asked him what motivated him so much.
He said, “When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!”
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You know what bugs me? People who smoke cigars in restaurants. That’s why I always carry a water pistol filled with gasoline.
-Paul Provenza
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I think we could end a lot of this intolerance in America if we all smoked cigarettes. You’d be hard-pressed to find a cigarette smoker who’s prejudiced, because we smokers know something you nonsmokers don’t… that we’re all black on the inside.
-John Hope
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For a black man, there’s no difference between the North and the South. In the South they don’t mind how close I get so long as I don’t get too big. In the North they don’t mind how big I get so long as I don’t get too close.
-Dick Gregory
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I’ve found that the friendliest people are in the South. When I’m in New York in a hotel and check my messages, they say, “Is your light on? No.” But in the South the answer is different. They say, “Yes, you do. Billy called. I think he likes you.”
-Caroline Rhea
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I was in Little Rock, Arkansas, and I noticed they didn’t win at genetic roulette. And a lot of these people-can we talk?--got this eye that at an early age is looking down, the other one is revolving around their head. That scared me. I like to look at a man and a woman right in the eye, I don’t wanna work for eyesight.
-Bobby Collins
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This country was settled by people who did not want to be censored, who, wanted the freedom to says what they felt. That’s why they came here and killed the Indians in the first place.
-Dennis Miller
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I like sports because I enjoy knowing that many of these macho athletes have to vomit before a big game. Any guy who would take a job where you gotta puke first is my kinda guy.
-George Carlin
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Mike Tyson hit this dude so hard I shit on myself and I was at home watching.
-David Allen Grier
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I think it was Leo Durocher who said, “Baseball is our national pastime.” And I think it was Heidi Fleiss who said, “Yeah, right.”
-Richard Jeni
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According to a new survey, 76 percent of men would rather watch a football game than have sex. My question is, why do we have to choose? Why do you think they invented halftime?
-Jay Leno
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How come none of these boxers seem to have a losing record?
-George Carlin
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Take boxing, the simplest, stupidest sport of all. It’s almost as if these two guys are just desperate to compete with each other, but they couldn’t think of a sport. So they said, “Why don’t we just pound each other for forty-five minutes? Maybe someone will come watch that.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
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