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A seventy-six-year-old woman just graduated from Florida State. You know what you usually call people who take sixty years to finish college? Linemen.
-Jay Leno
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A ninety-eight-year-old man has graduated from college. My advice to the guy is: Take a few years off, go travel, and get your head together.
-Craig Kilborn
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Computers make it easy to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
-Andy Rooney
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They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
-Milton Berle
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An electronics company has just come out with a computer display that can be folded, rolled up, put in your pocket, and display in black-and-white images. Didn’t that used to be called paper?
-Jay Leno
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I shop at a computer store called “Your Crap Is Already Obsolete.”
-Jeff Cesario
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According to a new book, surfing the Internet at work leads to less stress, better time management, and sharper skills, which are three things you’ll need when your boss fires you.
-Jay Leno
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If you’re the most computer-literate person in your office it’s easy to amaze your coworkers, just by showing them the “caps lock” key. Don’t tell them about how to change the margins in their word processing program, though. Just do it for ’em and let them believe in magic.
-Kelli Dunham
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The Senate voted 97-0 For an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying e-mails you get on your computer. The senators made it really clear. They said, “When you start misleading the American people and start taking money by making false promises, that’s our turf, buddy.”
-Jay Leno
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Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he’ll rob everyone.
-Unknown Author
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A new computer worm has been shutting down thousands of machines, making office workers all over the country play solitaire with real cards.
-Craig Kilborn
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According to a survey in Men’s Health magazine, 85 percent of men admit they surf the Internet wearing nothing but their underwear. Sixty-three percent said that’s how they lost their l last job.
-Jay Leno
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A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
-Fred Allen
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