SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting one day that he wasn't getting any respect.
Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read "I'm the Boss”.
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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I had to move to New York for health reasons. I’m extremely paranoid and New York is the only place my fears are justified.
-Anita Wise
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New York is like living inside Stephen King’s brain during an aneurysm.
-Kevin Wise
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New York City is having some tough times; they’re trying to save money. The New York City police department, as a budgetary consideration, switched over to one-size-fits-all body bags.
-David Letterman
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New York, in the event of a nuclear attack, it’ll look the same as it did before.
-Billy Connolly
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I love being in New York, man.You don’t know what you’re going to see. I was walking around downtown today, I saw Angela Lansbury in an antique shop. For eight hundred bucks.
-Jeffrey Ross
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My wife thinks I’m too nosy. At least that’s what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
-Drake Sather
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I used to work in an office. They’re always so mean to the new girl in the office. “Oh, Caroline, you’re new? You have lunch at nine-thirty.”
-Caroline Rhea
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Frankly, I don’t believe people think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee-and then you go home.
-Jerry Seinfeld
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I hate pantyhose. Although I occasionally wear Control Top because I’ve found there’s no quicker way to flatten my tummy… and shut down my whole digestive tract.
-Mercedes Wence
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Parenting is the easiest job to get. You just have to screw up once and it’s yours..Thirteen-year-olds having babies so that they can feel grown up. What happened to trying on Mom’s heels and makeup? Christ, I still do that.
-Dennis Miller
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There are no perfect parents. Even Jesus had a distant father and a domineering mother. I’d have trust issues, if my father allowed me to be crucified.
-Bob Smith
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My father was a pimp and my mother was a prostitute. In my neighborhood “yo mama” games were very popular, but no one played them with me. What were they gonna say? “Lydia, yo mama’s a ho. “Yeah, and she gets paid! But yo mama gives it away for free. That makes her a stupid, po’ ho!"
-Lydia Nicole
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My father’s a proctologist. My mother is an abstract artist. That’s how I view the world.
-Sandra Bernhard
