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There is a blonde, brunette, and a red head running away from a bad guy and they decide to hide in a barn.
They all quickly find hiding spots.
The red head hides behind a cow, the brunette hides behind a horse, and the blonde hides behind a sack of potatoes.
The bad guy comes in and when he passes the cow the red head says “Moo!".
When he passes the horse the brunette says “Nay!"
Finally he comes to the potatoes and the blonde says "PO-TA-TOE!"
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I took acid one night and had an argument with a Paul Westerberg CD.
-Greg Behrendt
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You always get drugs when you go and see the doctor with the baby. The drugs are for me and Mama.
-Gallagher
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I’m not pro-drug. They obviously cause a lot of damage. But I am pro-logic, and you’re never going to stop the human need for release through altered consciousness. The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawn until they fell down and saw God.
-Dennis Miller
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There are obvious times when you don’t want people getting high. I wouldn’t want my surgeon to get high before my operation. If I’m laying there on the gurney, the last thing I want to hear is, “Nurse, gimme one of those, um, pointy things. Now, refresh my memory… we’re doing what here? No shit!”
-David Cross
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Drugs don’t enhance your creativity. You get the same old results with heroin. Your neighbors will complain when the ambulance shows up like clockwork. The firemen are going to track footprints on the rug. Your baby’s going to keep waking up because of the guy shouting, “1, 2, 3-clear!” And you always lose your job. Your boss says, “It happened on Monday and twice on Tuesday, you died. We can’t have that here, there are plenty of other bike messengers.”
-Paul Alexander
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You should always say no to drugs. That will drive the prices down.
-Geechy Guy
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My drug of choice is the antidepressant Zoloft. I think of it as an airbag for my mind. As soon as things start getting too rowdy… Poof!… Aaahh…
-Dana Gould
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A detox center is where you pay $15,000 to find out that twelve-step meetings are free.
-Mark Lundholm
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In this Holiday Inn in Florida, I noticed a sign on the wall: THIS IS A DRUG-FREE WORKPLACE. I thought, why are they giving us this information? Two years ago did they have a sign that said, THE BELL STAFF IS AS HIGH AS A KITE? It seemed odd to have the virtues of the staff right up there on the wall. MANY OF OUR STAFF READ.
-Paula Poundstone
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Pot is just God’s way of saying, “Hi.” I mean, what’s wrong with a drug that lets you appreciate Joni Mitchell just that much more?
-Taylor Negron
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I’m one of those people who can’t operate a screwdriver, but I could roll a joint in a twister.
-Scott Thompson
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In high school, my brother Bill would occasionally sell pot out of the family basement without our parents’ knowledge. And my mother was always saying things like, “Oh, that Bill is so popular! But why do his friends only stay for five minutes?”
-Julia Sweeney
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