Dark Humor - Hunting Joke
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Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead.
He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"
The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"
The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"
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Women like older men. My problem is that I’m twenty-three. My future wife is now probably fourteen. She has braces and thinks that only Leonardo DiCaprio really understands her.
-Peter Berkowitz
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It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size Jockey shorts for his entire life. And so you have a man with a brand-new forty-inch waist who is trying to get into size thirty-six Jockey shorts, a man who is now wearing a combination of supporter and tourniquet. Proud men have gone to the brink of gangrene to maintain the interior fashion of their youth.
-Bill Cosby
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There is truth in what they say about the sexes. Men like cars, women like clothes. I also like cars because they take me to clothes.
-Rita Rudner
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Guys are like dogs. They keep comin’ back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they’re gone.
-Lenny Bruce
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A woman will not pull underwear out of her butt in public. She’ll walk funny till she gets to a bathroom. But your man, being what he is, will draw attention to it.
-Sinbad
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In the seventies you could play a record backward and hear satanic messages. Since CDs, Satan’s been stumped by technology. He’s going to have to wait for some Japanese to go to hell and help him out.
-Brad Stine
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I saw a stupid ad for a microwave that cooks in ten seconds. Are there really people who say, “I’ve been home for ten seconds, Where the hell is dinner?”
-Jay Leno
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People from Minnesota make fun of people from Wisconsin… That’s like warring trailer parks.
-Jackie Kashian
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Nebraska is proof that hell is full and the dead are walking the earth.
-Lizz Winstead
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I spent five years in the air force, and if it wasn’t for sexual harassment no one would have talked to me at all. An officer accused me of being a lesbian. I would have denied it, but I was lying naked on top of her at the time.
-Lynda Montgomery
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I joined the army because I was eighteen and bored with the tenth grade.
-Robert Hawkins
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The stealth bomber replaced the B-1 bomber, which was supposed to avoid enemy radar by flying at treetop level. Unfortunately, trees are at treetop level.
-Jack Mayberry
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Gays in the military? Please! I spent four honorable years in the air force, trouble free. Of course, I have to admit it could get hair-raising. I flew a helicopter, drove an ambulance, and ran the beauty shop.
-Michael Greer
