Religious Humor - Human Nature Joke
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A preacher is coming to the end of his sermon and he tells the congregation, "In preparation for next week's sermon, everybody read Leviticus chapter 28."
Next week when everybody comes in the preacher follows up, "Now who read Leviticus chapter 28?”
Almost everybody raises their hands.
The preacher says, "Okay, good. There is no Leviticus chapter 28. I'd like to begin my sermon on lying."
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We were meant to eat meat, we have fangs in our mouth. Everything with fangs eats meat. When was the last time you saw a lion stalking rhubarb?
-Harland Williams
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PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, are against eating meat. They say, “Don’t eat anything that has a face.” My standards area little more relaxed. I won’t eat anything that has a job.
-Nosmo King
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I took up meditation. I like to have an espresso first just to make it more challenging.
-Betsy Salkind
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I’m the white Anglo-Saxon male… I’m everybody’s asshole. Black people think I’m physically deficient and oppressive, gay people think I’m latently homosexual and overly macho, women think I’m oafish and horny, and Asians think I’m lazy and stupid.
-Dennis Miller
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Men are always calling me a strong woman. I hate when I hear that because it only means one thing… I have to be on top all night long!
-Jennifer Fairbanks
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I hate that book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, because men aren’t from Mars, men are from women. Men come out of women, so if they’re screwed up, it’s all our fault. Stop trying to blame If on other planets.
-Cathryn Michon
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I wish men would get more in touch with their feminine side, and become self-destructive.
-Betsy Salkind
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Women love men with problems. We look at a troubled man the way an architect looks at a dilapidated building. “How can I renovate you?”
-Vanessa Hollingshead
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It’s rough being a man. See, men have to have money, have to try to look good, have to have the right job, the right prestige… Women can be working in McDonald’s, we’ll still try to get your phone number.
-Sinbad
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I was talking to a businessman, and I said, “Don’t you think most men are little boys‘?” And he said, “I’m no little boy! I make $75,000 a year.” And I said, “Well, the way I look at it, you just have bigger toys.”
-Jonathan Winters
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According to a study, men whose wives nag them live longer. In a related story, next week Frank Gifford turns eighty-six.
-David Letterman
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I figure the only time I really need a man is about once a month, when it’s time to flip my mattress.
-Pamela Yager
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Men in L.A. are so needy. A guy pays for your liposuction, he thinks he owns you.
-Maura Kennedy
