Golf Joke - Religious Humor
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A man joins a golfing tournament, but he is a terrible golfer.
Lucky for him an evil leprechaun lives on the course and offers him a deal, "I will make you win this tournament, if you promise to never marry!"
The man agrees and indeed wins the tournament.
Afterwards the leprechaun approaches the man, "Remember, you can't marry anybody now!"
Adjusting his collar the priest replies, "Yeah, whatever."
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I moved to Los Angeles, and I miss so many things from the real world that they don’t have here, like aging, pride, and dignity. People don’t get older here, they just get tighter.
-Greg Proops
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L.A. is a sick place to live. Earthquakes? People aren’t scared. Riots? Hey, that happens. Cigarettes? Run for your life! Someone get me a pasta salad and a motivational cassette tape!
-Richard Jeni
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How do people meet their neighbors out in L.A.? I’m from the South where we had block parties and cookouts. In L.A. the only time my wife and I had a chance to socialize was at a local crime scene. It’s so bad, now it’s like, “Honey! Did you just hear that? Sounded like gunfire! Well, hurry up . . . put your nice clothes on. There are folks to meet!”
-Bob Oshack
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It seems like a lotta people my age are into lounge culture. We still don’t want to be our parents, but we’ll dress like our grandparents. They represent a time of values, discipline, and jobs, but we’ll settle for the pants.
-Mike Maron
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Love is a feeling you feel when you’re about to feel a feeling you never felt before.
-Flip Wilson
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I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I’m like, “I’m in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you.” And they’re like, “Ma’am, give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I’ll be outta here.”
-Penny Wiggins
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I’m a great lover-I bet.
-Emo Philips
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I’m not a good lover, but at least I’m fast.
-Drew Carey
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My lucky number is four billion, which usually doesn’t come in handy when you’re gambling.
“Come on, four billion…”
-Mitch Hedberg
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Fox had a show on, Magic’s Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed. Did you see that? And I’m thinking the biggest secret I don’t quite get… David Copperfield and Claudia Schiffer. How did he do that?
-David Letterman
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It’s a little bit dangerous out there, and I guess men have to choose between marriage and death. I guess they figure that with marriage at least they get meals. But then they get married and find out we don’t cook anymore.
-Rita Rudner
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I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, ‘Why get married?’ But I wouldn’t want to put down marriage as a whole… which it is.
-Kevin Hench
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Being happily married is like having a shit job with people you dig.
-Jack Coen
