Funny Joke - Blonde Humor
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A blonde walks into a store and shows a clerk she would like a particular TV. He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Enraged she goes home, dyes her hair, and returns the next day.
She approaches another salesman and shows him the TV.
He tells her, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
Angry, she says, "How did you know I was blonde?"
He replies, "That's not a TV, it's a microwave."
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Leather jackets scare me. Think about it, people are wearing dried meat for clothing. They’re spending $500 to wear beef jerky.
-Brad Stine
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You know it’s easy to be politically correct and a liberal when you live in a gated community.
-Bobcat Goldthwait
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I think everyone just has to grow up a little and realize that, hey, life’s rough for everybody. It sucks across the board. “Hi, I’m Bill, and I’m a birth survivor.” I’ve got to live with that every day.
-Bill Maher
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Life is a near-death experience.
-George Carlin
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I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance.
-Arj Barker
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Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s like a jar of jalapeños… you never know what’s going to bum your ass.
- Paul Rodriguez
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
-Bill Maher
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I remember when I was twenty-one. It’s funny, because you think you know everything about life. But if you’re twenty-one, I’ll bet you can’t name even one antidepressant. I’ll spot you Prozac, whatever else you name I’ve got on me.
-Ray Romano
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At first I thought that my life was going around in circles. Then I got to looking closer and it’s actually a downward spiral.
-Tom Ryan
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
-Johnny Carson
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I understand life isn’t fair, but why couldn’t it just once be unfair in my favor?
-Christy Murphy
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Who says life is sacred… God? Hey, if you read your history, God is one of the leading causes of death.
-George Carlin
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I have property in L.A., a hotel is holding two of my suitcases.
-Soupy Sales
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I’m from Boston and I moved to L.A. It’s weird, it’s crazy, it’s different. Just meeting girls is different. Like in Boston, I meet a girl, “Wow! What a nice girl. I hope my friends like her.” Out here it’s like, “Wow! What a nice girl. I hope she’s really a girl.”
-Robbie Printz
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