Work Jokes - Humorously Funny
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Tom walks into his boss' office and tells him, "Sir, I know things are going the best around here but I have three companies that have contacted me recently. I would like a raise."
His boss agrees and after debating the amount for a while they agree on a 5 percent raise. When Tom gets up to leave his boss asks him, "What companies contacted you?"
Tom smiles and says, "The cable, electric, and water company."
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Men always say the most important thing in a woman is a sense of humor. You know what that means? He’s looking for someone to laugh at his jokes.
-Sheila Wenz
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Women claim that what they look for in a man is a sense of humor, but I don’t believe it. Who do you want removing your bra… Tom Selleck or the Three Stooges?
-Bruce Smirnoff
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Do you know how the Amish hunt? They sneak up on a deer and build a barn around it.
-Tim Bedore
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You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They say, “Because it is such a beautiful animal.” I think my mother ’s attractive, but I have photographs of her.
-Ellen Degeneres
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They think it’s your destiny to clean, and I guess it’s their destiny to have a couch surgically implanted on their behind. You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but years later you’re married to a couch that burps.
-Roseanne
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My ex-husband was a drummer, and he had this nervous habit of hitting on things… like my girlfriends. Yeah, he was always banging on something.
-Le Maire
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I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My husband says, “Why do you have to talk to her again today? You just talked to her yesterday. What could you possibly have to tell her?” “Well, for one thing, I have to tell her you just said that.”
-Rita Rudner
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All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
-Pat Paulson
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Since the Indians got swindled over some beads, nobody in America has been too excited about newcomers. Every racial and ethnic group gets treated like shit when they get here by the racial and ethnic group that got treated like shit when they came in on the earlier flight. Nobody says, “Hey, here are the new guys. Let’s welcome them. Let’s bake a cake for the Irish.”
-Chris Rock
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The latest news on this new impotency drug Viagra. Some insurance companies won’t pay unless men can prove that they’re impotent. Which means that men are at a disadvantage if they have a really hot pharmacist.
-Conan O’Brien
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I’m getting more and more inconsiderate. I slept with a young guy and afterward I said, “That was fun. It’s been so long since I’ve slept with someone for a ride home.”
-Laura Kightlinger
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that shit.
-George Carlin
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