School Jokes - Teacher Humor
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A teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would rush into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir." the boys
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, my feet don't turn red from blood?"
Little Johnny shouted "It's because your feet aren't empty."
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I worry about my health because I grew up on the tail-end of the baby boom generation, and we were just pumped full of chemicals. Every time they came up with a new one, it was like,“Put it on the cereal, keep it crunchy. Hey, put out the light, my teeth are glowing!” Now my whole generation is eating tree bark to clean ourselves out.
-Jack Coen
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I take geranium, dandelion, passionflower, hibiscus… I feel great, and when I pee, I experience the fresh scent of potpourri.
-Sheila Wenz
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I take vitamins. They drop and roll under the refrigerator. I don’t pick them up. I have years of vitamins under the refrigerator. I’m going to come home one night and find a six-foot roach saying, “I feel good!”
-Elayne Boosler
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I had a chest X ray last month, and they found a spot on my lung. Fortunately, it was barbecue sauce.
-George Carlin
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A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me… I’m afraid of widths.
-Steven Wright
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All religions are the same… basically guilt, with different holidays. “I feel so guilty. Well, let’s eat.”
-Cathy Ladman
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My father was a separatist black Muslim. When Santa at the mall asked me what I wanted, my father shouted, “Tell him you want your freedom! Got any freedom in that bag, fat man?” And I thought I’d wanted some Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots.
-Warren Hutcherson
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Jesus never put up a tree and exchanged gifts, or left cookies out for Santa. He never made a harried last-minute trip to the mall, or spent Christmas Eve cursing at a toy that he couldn’t put together. He celebrated Passover. So, if you want to be more like Jesus, pass the matzo.
-Drew Carey
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Probably the worst thing about being Jewish during Christmastime is shopping, because the lines are so long. They should have a Jewish express line: “Look, I’m a Jew, it’s not a gift. It’s just paper towels!”
-Sue Kolinsky
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Fat Tuesday is an annual event in New Orleans in which Roman Catholics eat, drink, and run wild. On the other 364 nights of the year, the event is held in Hyannisport.
-Argus Hamilton
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Christmas is not really my holiday, being neither a Christian nor a toy manufacturer. And although clinical depression is scary, I’m not any more depressed during the holidays than usual. The other day I actually had a Near Life Experience.
-Mark Shapiro
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Los Angeles can be dark and confusing. During the holidays I went to the mall and sat on Satan’s lap.
-Leslie Nesbitt
