Panda Joke - Twisted Humor
SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A panda walks into a bar and after thinking it over, the bartender lets him stay.
The panda eats his dinner and asks for a check.
He looks at the check, nods his head, and shoots the waiter in the knee.
The bartender runs over and looks at the table.
The panda had left an open dictionary on the table, turned to the page with 'panda' on it.
He reads the description "Panda; n. Large mammal from central Asia. Eats shoots and leaves."
--------------------
The hairier the person, the smaller the bikini underwear they have on. I can’t figure it out.
-Paul Rodriguez
--------------------
If l don’t tweeze every day, my eyebrows need barrettes.
-Nancy Mura
--------------------
I get a lot of clients with unreasonable expectations of what a hairdresser can accomplish. They want to look like Friends, and the closest I can get them is Acquaintances. Or maybe, Enemies.
-Le Marie
--------------------
This is the kind of thing would bum out any young guy. I just found out my father lost his hair in a slap fight.
-Vernon Chatman
--------------------
I got to see Don King up close, and even as a woman I don’t know how you get your hair to do that all the time. I guess one day you walk into a barber shop and say, “I want to look as though I’m falling out of a building.” And then pull a little troll doll out of your pocket, “This is the look I’m shooting for.”
-Kathleen Madigan
--------------------
I dye my hair so much, my driver’s license has a color wheel.
-Nancy Mura
--------------------
I’m proud to be handicapped. If it weren’t for me, you’d be spending all day looking for a place to park.
-Gene Mitchner
--------------------
I was born with a club foot. Had to wear orthopedic shoes with a heel this thick on one side and a brace, so I used to walk with a limp. Thank God I lived in the ghetto, because the people who didn’t know me thought I was cool, “Hey man, check out this brother’s walk, he must be in a gang or something.”
-Damon Wayans
--------------------
Recently, in a public bathroom, I used the handicapped stall. As I emerged, a man in a wheelchair asked me indignantly, “Are you handicapped’?” Gathering all my aplomb, I looked him in the eye and said, “Not now. But I was before I went in there.”
-George Carlin
--------------------
I have cerebral palsy, and I don’t understand why people will go out of their way to drink so they walk like me.
-Geri Jewell
--------------------
I hate these guys who harass women on the street. It’s not even a compliment. They’ll harass bag ladies. “Hey, baby. I’d like to see what’s under that third coat.”
-Dom Irrera
--------------------
I had a cholesterol test: They found bacon.
-Bob Zanny
--------------------
There is something refreshingly ironic about people lying on the beach contracting skin cancer in an attempt to acquire a purely illusory appearance of good health, while germ-laden medical waste washes up on the sand all around them.
-George Carlin
