SAVE the PIN and FOLLOW
A woman with brown hair goes to the doctor and tells him "Doctor! I think something is really wrong. My entire body hurts when I touch it.”
She touches her arm, legs, and stomach screaming in pain each time.
The doctor looks at her for a second and asks "Do you dye your hair?"
The woman surprised says "Yeah I'm naturally blonde. How did you know?"
The doctor replies "That's what I thought, your finger is broken."
--------------------
My father was so cheap that one year he told us Santa didn’t come because he wears red and we lived in a Crips zone.
-A. J. Jamal
--------------------
My father refused to spend money on me as a kid. One time I broke my arm playing football and my father tried to get a free X ray by taking me down to the airport and making me lie down with the luggage.
-Glen Super
--------------------
They say when you die there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. When my father dies, he’ll see the light, make his way toward it, and then flip it off to save electricity.
-Harland Williams
--------------------
My father used to ground me, and then run electricity through me.
-Taylor Negron
--------------------
I remember when I was a teenager taking the car for a night out, sometimes my dad would take me aside and say, “Son, here’s an extra $271. Treat yourself to a car pool lane violation.”
-Bil Dwyer
--------------------
Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity, Think about your father: He doesn’t know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up, and your mother sends you: “Go down and see what your father’s doing before he blows up the house.” He’s a genius at work because he doesn’t want to do it, and knows someone will be coming soon to stop him.
-Bill Cosby
--------------------
Something happens when a man reaches a certain age, that The News becomes the most important thing in his life. All fathers think one day they’re going to get a call from the State Department. “Listen, we’ve completely lost track of the situation in the Middle East. You’ve been watching the news. What do you think we should do about it?”
-Jerry Seinfeld
--------------------
What is it with dads? They turn forty or fifty and they become Mr. Fix It. You find ’em nude cruising around the house with a screwdriver in one hand. “I’m gonna tighten something,”
-Garry Barkin
--------------------
My dad’s pants kept creeping up on him. By sixty-five he was just a pair of pants and a head.
-Jeff Altman
--------------------
“Don’t get smart with me,” my father would growl. That was my favorite expression of his. Don’t get smart with me. Just once I wanted to make a weird face and go, “Duh! Is this dumb enough for you, Dad?”
-Louie Anderson
--------------------
My father listens to AM radio really loud. There’s no reason for that.
-Shashi Bhatia
--------------------
My dad, eighty-six years old and he’s still working, God bless him. He’s a pimp, and he’s out there every night.
-Jonathan Katz
