SAVE the PIN and SHARE
A man is going ice fishing. He drills a hole in the ice and hears a booming voice, "There's no fish in there!"
He begins to drill another hole and again hears the voice, "Stop drilling, there's no fish there!"
He drills a third hole and the voice sounds again saying, "You aren't going to find any fish there!"
The fisherman, frightened, asks, "Is this God?"
The booming voice yells back, "No! I'm the rink manager!"
--------------------
I run, so I went to Footlocker in Hollywood and got some Nike Cross Dressers, and I was halfway around the track when heels popped out.
-Garry Shandling
--------------------
I plan to be so successful, so famous, so well respected that drag queens will want to dress like me in parades when I’m dead.
-Laura Kightlinger
--------------------
If you’re famous over twenty minutes, you get your own cologne.
-Kim Castle
--------------------
There were so many Wayans in our family, we had to eat in alphabetical order.
-Marlon Wayans
--------------------
My dad, he’s a nuclear physicist, my mom, she’s a mathematician, my brother is a chemical engineer… and I like to color.
-Shashi Bhatia
--------------------
There ’s no such thing as fun for the whole family, There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.
-Jerry Seinfeld
--------------------
My family is so dysfunctional that if l had to write a song about them, it would be called, “Gimme, Ain’t You Got, Loan Me, Don’t You Have.” It would be No.1 on the country-westem charts for weeks.
-Paulara R. Hawkins
--------------------
In my house I learned at a very young age how to be a Jew. “If you’re not miserable, you’re not practicing.” Oh, don’t worry, I’m practicing.
-Cynthia Levin
--------------------
My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.
-Penelope Lombard
--------------------
I love my family, but I hate family reunions. Family reunions are that time when you come face to face with your family tree and realize some branches need to be cut.
-Rene Hicks
--------------------
There’s got to be something wrong with people who go to Star Trek conventions. I mean, I like Mary Tyler Moore too, but I don’t rent out a big hall and dress up like Rhoda.
-Andy Kindler
--------------------
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
-George Carlin
--------------------
Someone recently wrote a letter . . . “Why does Ellen DeGeneres always wear pants and never skirts?” . . . I had both of my legs completely tattooed with designs of bougainvillea. Now, if I wear a skirt, I am constantly bothered by bees.
-Ellen DeGeneres
--------------------
Why does women’s underwear have lace and flowers all over it? You never see men’s underwear with a big wrench in the middle of it.
-Heidi Joyce
