SAVE the PIN and SHARE
A man goes door-to-door selling vacuums and knocks on his first door.
A big unkempt woman answers the door but before she can say anything he slips past her into the house.
He immediately throws dog poop on the floor. She yells at him, "What are you doing?!"
He tells her, "If this vacuum doesn't clean this up I'll eat whatever's left."
She smiles and replies, "I'll grab you a fork. I haven't paid the electric bill in months."
--------------------
My husband is English and I’m American. I wonder what our children would be like. They’d probably be rude, but disgusted by their own behavior.
-Rita Rudner
--------------------
I’m Irish Catholic, and drinking is such a pervasive part of life. In our family, hors d’oeuvres are Jack Daniels with cashews, and dessert is Irish coffee. My parents are like, “Oh yeah, he’s an alcoholic, ha ha.” Like naming someone an alcoholic is no negative thing. We once went out with one of their friends for breakfast. It’s 7:30 A.M. and he orders a Boilermaker, “just to level the playing field.”
-Julia Sweeney
--------------------
Students in Japan beat the heck out of American kids in important areas like science and math, and not acting like an idiot in public. That’s because American kids, instead of studying, would rather spend thelr time in front of television sets that are made in, er… Japan.
-Drew Carey
--------------------
God it’d be wild to be an Eskimo. Wouldn’t it be cool to live in one of them icy igloos, get mad at one of your neighbors, go over and lick his house down?
-Harland Williams
--------------------
My mom’s your typical suburban Hindu. Just picture Donna Reed with a dot.
-Shashi Bhatia
--------------------
I’m a defective Italian. I have absolutely no mechanical ability. You know when you go to the supermarket you step on that rubber part and the door opens? For years I thought that was a coincidence.
-Richard Jeni
--------------------
It’s dishonor if Japanese man is late. It means he has cheap watch.
-Tamayo Otsuki
--------------------
I’m not typically Japanese, I’m very typically American… I’m lazy and I’m illiterate.
-Bob Kubota
--------------------
I’m into Jewish bondage . . . that’s having your money tied up in an IRA account.
-Noodles Levenstein
--------------------
I was the only Jewish kid in my part of Indiana, and I’ll never forget my kindergarten teacher asking, “So tell us, Hugh, how long has your family been practicing Jewcraft?”
-Hugh Fink
--------------------
My father is a German Jew, and my mother is a French Jew. So that makes me… just really lucky to be here.
-Jackie Wollner
--------------------
My mother is Jewish, my father Catholic. When I went to confession, I’d pray, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. And I think you know my lawyer, Mr. Cohen.”
-Bill Maher
--------------------
Let me say something about the French. They look at us like we are one big collective Jethro bearing down on them. We might be hicks, but at least we’re hicks who tend to our armpits more frequently than once every time the Comet Kahotec is in the solar system.
-Dennis Miller
SAVE the PIN and SHARE