The Wonderful Husband.... Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the free speaker function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: 'Hello' WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me... Are you at the club?’
MAN: ‘Yes'
WOMAN: 'I'm at the City Centre mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000 Is it OK if I buy it?’
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you really like it.’
WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2013 Models. I saw one I really liked.’
MAN: 'How much?’
WOMAN: ‘$98,000'
MAN: 'OK, but for that price make sure it comes with all the options.’
WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing, the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking for $980,000.’
MAN: 'well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, go the extra 50 thousand if you think it's really a pretty good price.’
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much! You’re so generous!’
MAN: “You’re worth it. ‘Bye!’ The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, with mouths wide open
The man turns and asks "Anybody knows whose phone this is?"
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My childhood was pretty bad. When I was seven, my mother told me I was selfish when I asked for dinner. “You’re just like your father,” she said.
-Gloria Brinkworth
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Your height and weight really determine how rough your childhood’s going to be. In my first day of junior high school, some kids got robbed. But the guy turned me upside down and shook the money out of my pockets. That’s what happens where you’re little. A normal-sized guy would at least get the respect of being punched in the face before he got robbed.
-Chris Rock
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When I was a child, I couldn’t wait for the first snowfall. I would run to the door and yell, “Let me in! Let me in! ” You know the deal.
-Emo Philips
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My mother loved children. She would have given anything if I had been one.
-Groucho Marx
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Having children is like having a bowling alley in your brain.
-Martin Mull
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I can’t have children. Because I have white couches.
-Carrie Rudner
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I think about having children, because time is running out, I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
-Rita Rudner
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In a nutshell, just be good and kind to your children, because not only are they the future of the world, they are the ones who can eventually sign you into the home.
-Dennis Miller
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
-George Carlin
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it. That’s my motto.
-Tim Allen
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Curiosity killed the cat. But for a while I was a suspect.
-Steven Wright
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I think the expression “It’s a small world” is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I can’t stand.”
-Brock Cohen
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Benjamin Franklin was wrong. In my experience, “Early to bed, and early to rise” makes a man dull, anal, and horny.
-Gloria Brinkworth
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The early bird gets the worm. I’d rather sleep in and have toaster muffins.
-Shirley Lipner
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The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep.
-Woody Allen
