A blind man walks into a bar and sits for a while with nobody talking to him.
He says "Anybody want to hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender tells him "Before you tell it I just want to let you know there is a cage fighting blonde on one side of you and a large blonde softball player on the other side. I'm also a blonde and I can bench 300 pounds. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man replies "Obviously not! I don't have time to explain the joke 3 times."
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They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so l figure that’s why my boyfriend moved.
-Christy Murphy
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After a breakup, l’ll date anyone. If a one-legged troll who lives under a bridge glances at me twice: it’s Mardi Gras!
-Kris McGaha
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When it’s over, it’s over. And I should know. I would get into bed and she would mentally dress me.
-Richard Lewis
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My boyfriend dumped me… or rather, I allowed him to set me free.
-Darlene Hunt
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I broke up with my girlfriend. She moved in with another guy, and I draw the line at that.
-Garry Shandling
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I broke up with someone, and she said, “You’ll never find anyone like me again.” And I’m thinking, I hope not! If l don’t want you, why would I want someone just like you? Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, “By the way, do you have a twin?”
-Larry Miller
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If your man mess up, don’t leave him. To me a man is like a hell of an engine in something like a Rolls Royce. After 300,000 miles, a couple shit might happen. But don’t worry. Pop the hood, fix him, he be all right. Maybe he just need an oil change.
-Adelle Givens
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I recently broke up with this woman. Now she’s bad-mouthing me. She’s telling all our friends that she had to fake foreplay, that I gave her an anticlimax.
-Richard Lewis
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The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her… “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”
-David Spade
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I may go back with my old boyfriend. It’s really hot in my apartment, and he has air conditioning.
-Heather McDonald
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A lot of guys think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I think it’s the opposite, I think the larger a woman’s breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.
-Anita Wise
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Japanese women inherit their breasts from their fathers.
-Tamayo Otsuki
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I happen to like old-school seventies porn because I like the natural body. The women in this new porn, their boobs are just so weird and high and far out, they look like those goldfish with the puffy eyes.
-Margaret Cho
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The women who got implants sued Dow Corning because they felt betrayed by their implant company… Betrayed? What, you mean I can’t put a petroleum by-product in a baggie and insert it in my chest cavity safely? I am shocked! And betrayed!
-Dani Klein
