Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent everything they need for the trip including the cabin.
The first day they go fishing they don't catch anything.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home one of them turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for thirty-six hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for thirty-six hours.
-Rita Rudner
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The doctor took my baby out of my wife’s stomach. Then he turned to me and asked, “Mr. Goldthwait, would you like to cut the cord‘?” And I said, “Isn’t there anyone more qualified’?”
-Bobcat Goldthwait
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My baby, “Hesitation Klein,” took twenty hours of labor to come out. They used a plunger at the end.
-Robert Klein
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My wife showed courage throughout the ordeal of giving birth. Until the end, when she whispered through her clenched teeth, “I want you to come close to me now, honey… so I can grab your testicles and you can understand the pain I’m going through.”
-Don Ware
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In this day-and-age women can have kids for other women through surrogate motherhood. Is this the ultimate favor or what? I think I’m a good friend. I’ll help you move. Okay, but whatever comes out of me after nine months, I’m keeping. I don’t care if it’s a shoe.
-Sue Kolinsky
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In a test program, forty drugstores in Washington State will be dispensing moming-after birth control pills without prescription. In fact, men can buy them in special gift packs with cards that say, “Thanks, maybe I’ll call you sometime.”
-Jay Leno
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I was dating a control freak. He insisted that he take the birth control pills.
-Wendy Liebman
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A birth control pill for men, that’s fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.
-Greg Travis
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I’m Catholic. My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm. I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
-Lizz Winstead
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I practice birth control, which is being around my sister’s children. You want to run right out and ovulate after you play with them for five minutes.
-Brett Butler
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I was a Negro for twenty-three years; I gave that shit up… no room for advancement.
-Richard Pryor
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Black unemployment is up 50 percent of the time. That’s not a bad thing, because the last time we were fully employed, We didn’t have benefits like freedom.
-Shang
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I was constantly being harassed by retailers and security guards, and I didn’t understand why. Then I was informed by my friends that when I shop, I flaunt my melanin.
-Hellura Lyle
