A blonde, brunette, and a red head are stuck on the roof of a house.
Fire fighters are holding a blanket for them to jump onto.
They tell the brunette to jump to safety. When she jumps they pull the blanket away and she hurts her butt.
Next the fire fighters tell the red head she needs to jump or she'll never get down.
She refuses because she is scared they will pull the blanket away.
They tell her "It was an accident." So she jumps and they pull the blanket away. She hurts her butt and yells at them.
Finally the blonde gets smart and tells them "I know what you're going to do. Just lay the blanket on the ground and back away."
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I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
-Elayne Boosler
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
-Tim Allen
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What do men do normally? Endlessly congratulate each other, and wander around in small groups looking for some-thing to break.
-Robin Williams
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A guy with a little bit of a potbelly, it says something about the guy: he’s relaxed about the fat slob he’s become. And women like that.
-Jonathan Katz
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Honking the horn at a woman amazes me. What’s she supposed to do? Kick off the heels, start running after, hang on to the bumper? “It’s a good thing you honked, or I wouldn’t have known how you felt.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
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I’m so sick of men saying that women have all the power because men are slaves to their penis. What you mean is that the one percent of women who look like Playboy centerfolds can get you to do anything, and the other 99 percent of us can’t get a tire changed at rush hour. “Excuse me, Sir! Oh, I guess he’s gotta go home to log on at the Pamela Anderson website.”
-Ann Oelschlager
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Women think men are led around by our penises. It points us in a direction, I’ll give you that. But we’re adult enough to make a decision whether to follow it. Granted, I put my back out trying to reel it back in.
-Garry Shandling
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I can’t stand macho men who have to run everything. Three times last week my boyfriend asked me if I checked the oil in my car. Three times last week while we were having sex, he said, “Honey, have you checked your oil?” I said, “You’re the one with the dipstick, you do it!”
-Tamara Kastle
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God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time.
-Robin Williams
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
-Tim Allen
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Watch the way men express physical intimacy. We don’t just hug and hold. What we do is hug with one arm, and with the other we pat on the back. That’s basically saying, “Yeah, I’m hugging you, but I’m also hitting ya!”
-Lew Schneider
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn’t admit he’d forgotten the code. He turned himself in.
-Rita Rudner
