A blonde, a brunette and a red head are having their lunches.
The blonde little girl says, "I'm sick of PB&J, we should all jump off the school tomorrow if we get it again." The other girls agree.
The next day they all meet up on the roof of the school and open their lunch boxes to expose three PB&J sandwiches. So they all jump.
That night at the hospital the families of the girls are in the waiting room.
The brunette and red headed girl's parents are crying, but the blonde girls parents are silent and confused.
The other parents approach them and ask them why they are acting so strangely.
The blonde mother responds, "I just don't understand. She makes her own lunch."
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People have always told me that I’d learn more from my kids than they’d learn from me. I believe that. I’ve learned that, as a parent, when you have sex your body emits a hormone that drifts down the hall into your child’s room and makes them want a drink of water.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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I like my kids a lot, but it’s like a rodeo clown car pulled up and fifteen of them got out and they’re running around. It’s like they’re monkeys on acid and they’re hanging on lamps and lights and the ceiling. Get down!
-Denis Leary
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Kids, your parents used to be cool. There’s a country music song title that always makes me laugh, “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly.” Someday I’m gonna record my song to my kids, “You’re the Reason I’m Not Cool Anymore.”
-Sinbad
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The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
-Jean Kerr
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When you’re a kid you can be friends with anybody. If someone is in front of my house right now, that’s my friend. “Are you a grown-up? No? Come in and jump on my bed!” And if you have anything in common, “You like cherry soda, I like cherry soda! We’ll be best friends!”
-Jerry Seinfeld
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I had to go to fat camp every summer. I hated it. Too many rules. Like only three meals a day. One kid to a cabin. Two kids in the lake. A sign that warned, “Don’t feed the children.”
-Louie Anderson
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If I ever had twins, I’d use one for parts.
-Steven Wright
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I have two kids, and over the years I’ve developed a really relaxed attitude about the whole child-rearing thing. I don’t cry over spilt milk. Spilt vodka, that’s another story.
-Daryl Hogue
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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up, ’cause they’re looking for ideas.
-Paula Poundstone
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Kids are cute, but they’re so rude. I was taking a shower, when my daughter came in and said, “ Gosh, Mom. I hope when I grow up my breasts are nice and long like yours.”
-Roseanne
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Living with my daughters is like driving on the freeway. At first I’m optimistic, but gradually I’ll just settle for no bloodshed.
-Gloria Brinkworth
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As a kid, I used to wander around in the woods. Because my parents had put me there.
-Ellen DeGeneres
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At the mall I saw a kid on a leash. And I think if I ever have a kid, it’s gonna be cordless.
-Wendy Liebman
