Somehow a dog gets lost in an African jungle.
As he is finding his way a lion spots him.
The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy pray.
When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea.
As the lion approaches he says "Mmmm, that was some good lion.”
The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he thought and runs off.
But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time.
The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him.
So he tells the lion and the lion tells him to get on his back so they can share the dog.
As the lion and monkey find the dog, the dog spots them as well.
The dog begins to run but has another idea, "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion hours ago!"
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In a move to shake up sales, Campbell’s soups is redesigning its label after 102 years. The new label features a photo of soup in a bowl, which will come as a revelation to the millions of consumers who ate their soup out of a hat. Not changing is the Quick Recipe on the back. For those times when you have to cook, but hate the person you’re cooking for.
-Jon Stewart
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Starbucks announced that they’re raising the price of their coffee by ten cents a cup. That’s right. Starbucks said they had to raise prices, ’cause they don’t have all of our money yet.
-Conan O’Brien
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I bought a box of animal crackers, and it said on it, “Do not eat if seal is broken.” So I opened up the box, and sure enough . . .
-Brian Kiley
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I hate how my grocery store is always rearranging things. Product placement is what they call it. The other day I had just enough time to run in for a jar of spaghetti sauce and couldn’t find it. But I learned something, my kids will eat peanut butter on anything. That night, we had Skippy fettuccine.
-Eileen Courtney
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I just love Chinese food. It’s immediate gratification. You call, give them the order, you hang up, and bing bong, the doorbell rings. It’s like they have a helicopter and a wok, and they just lower it to you.
-Lew Schneider
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Scientists say that chocolate affects your brain the same way sex does. Which means that after they eat a Snickers, guys roll over and go to sleep. And women ask the wrapper, “What are you thinking?”
-Jim Wyatt
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Cured ham? No thanks, pal. Cured of what? What if it has a relapse on my plate?
-Tommy Sledge
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I’ve spent a lifetime becoming a fast-food connoisseur. The other day I was in a fast-food joint and someone ordered a fish sandwich and a strawberry shake. I just looked over and said, “Hmmmph . . . a red shake? With seafood?”
-Vince Maranto
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
-Erma Bombeck
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I used to love fast food, but that stuff will kill you. Why do you think that fast-food joints and emergency rooms are both open twenty-four hours a day? And they both have drive-throughs.
-Joel Warshaw
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Have you ever seen these places that feature fish sandwiches? I always think, “Well, that’s kind of general.” I wouldn’t order something called a meat sandwich. At least not without a couple of follow-up questions: “Does anyone know where this meat came from? Are any of the waitresses missing?”
-George Carlin
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When I was a kid my mother would make chopped liver for company, and I thought, “Who wants to eat liver?” That’s the organ that filters out all the crap you eat. I’d look at the
liver on my plate and worry, “That could have been an alcoholic cow.”
-Joel Warshaw
