One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp.
He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger.
A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said.
Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars.
Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
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I’ll put out my cigarette the day people walk in Hollywood. Where there is not one iota of unpaved space, and yet everyone feels the need to drive a suburban four-wheel Humvee assault vehicle. Because you never know when you’re going off-road. “Kids, we’re going through the drive-thru! Hold the roll bar, stay low!”
-Greg Proops
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I’m not into drugs. Maybe it’s because doing drugs is often about sharing things, like joints and cocaine. I’m an only child, I don’t share.
-Joy Bahar
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I don’t do drugs, because I saw what it did to my friends. I’d get stoned, and they’d look really weird to me.
-Wendy Liebman
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Stay away from cocaine. Oh, it might seem glamorous at my first. But one day, one day, it will be your turn to buy.
-Emo Philips
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I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
-Mitch Helberg
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I would never advocate the use of dope. Because I’m not a professional athlete, and I can’t get my hands on the good stuff.
-Greg Proops
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In high school, I could not pass a math test. I couldn’t pass a drug test either. There may be a correlation there.
-Lynda Montgomery
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Pat Buchanan’s scandals are a little different than other politicians’ scandals. For example, he experimented with drugs, he said-but only on prisoners.
-Bill Maher
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The 1960s were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun.
-Ellen Degeneres
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I don’t smoke marijuana anymore. I don’t smoke it any less either. I think it leads to harder stuff, like Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and Snickers candy bars.
-Jerry Rubin
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I think it’s super sad when people are too old and addicted to pot. I was at a party and this guy with a gray, greasy ponytail and a bald spot comes up to me and says, “Hey, man, I got a new roach clip!” It’s so pathetic, I want to say, “Grow up. Be an alcoholic!”
-Cathryn Michon
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The marijuana report commissioned by the drug czar Barry McCaffrey came out. And it says that marijuana is very useful in treating pain, nausea, and weight loss. The downside is, it makes Andy Rooney seem funny.
-Bill Maher
