All of the organs are deciding who should be in charge:
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "I run all the body's systems, without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the heart , "I circulate oxygen and nutrients all over."
"No! I should be in charge," said the stomach, "I process the food that gives us energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "without me the body couldn't go anywhere."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the anus, "I am responsible for waste removal."
All of the other body parts laughed at the anus and insulted him. So he shut down. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the heart pumped toxic blood. They all decided that the anus should be the boss.
What is the moral of the story? Even though everybody else does all of the work the a-hole is usually in charge.
--------------------
I know when I’m going to die. My birth certificate has an expiration date on it.
-Steven Wright
--------------------
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife. A depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave.
-Woody Allen
--------------------
I have the biggest crush on my dentist. He’s so cute, I’ve been gargling with Coke. But it’s hard to flirt with your dentist. “You have a cavity.” “I know, and I’d like you to fill it.”
-Caroline Rhea
--------------------
I lost my front tooth, and my insurance company wouldn’t cover its replacement, claiming it was for “cosmetic purposes.” So what’s a root canal-an entertainment expense?
-Stephanie Schiern
--------------------
I don’t get no respect. I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.
Rodney Dangerfield
--------------------
Nobody diets anymore, it’s all exercise. Remember when we dieted in the eighties? The diet that I liked was the Fresca, M&M’s, and cocaine diet. That was a great diet, but you can’t do that anymore. You can’t find Fresca.
-Corey Kahane
--------------------
Never let your caloric intake exceed your White blood cell count.
-Beth Donahue
--------------------
I’ve been on every diet in the world. I’ve been on Slim-Fast, yeah. For breakfast you have a shake. For lunch, you have a shake. For dinner you kill anyone with food on their plate,
-Rosie O’Donnell
--------------------
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second you’re off it.
-Jackie Gleason
--------------------
White people don’t know how to tell the difference between one black man and another. To white people, Ed Bradley and Bryant Gumbel waiting to cross the street together is scary. Clarence Thomas in an Adidas warm-up suit will not get a cab in Washington, D.C.
-Chris Rock
--------------------
Isn’t a divorce when you pay a lawyer a lot of money to arrange it so you can move out, and leave everything you own with someone you hate? ,On the other hand, we can also regard divorce as the legal alternative to murder. In most cases.
-Jeff Foxworthy
--------------------
It should be easy. You should be able to move on, with a letter of resignation. If you can write your own stupid wedding vows, why can’t you write yourself out of the marriage? If bad poetry can get you married, bad poetry should be able to spring you. “You were my sunshine/Now you’re my rain/Turned out you were nothin’/But a bad butt pain!”
-Sinbad
--------------------
It’s tough. After five years of marriage, it’s difficult to lose the one with the good credit rating.
-Rich Voss
