A blonde girl and her boyfriend are at a bar watching the news.
Suddenly a news story comes onto the screen, a man is standing on a bridge threatening to jump.
The blonde says "I bet you $100 he doesn't jump."
Her boyfriend takes the bet and the man eventually jumps.
After the blonde pays her boyfriend he admits to her "I saw this on the news an hour ago, take your money back."
She replies "I saw it too. I just never thought he would jump twice in one day!"
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When John F. Kennedy Jr. and his girlfriend got married it was an uneventful ceremony. Except when the preacher asked if anyone objected to their union, half the women in America yelled out, “I do!”
-Rosie O’Donnell
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Madonna - everyone was so surprised when she got pregnant. I wasn’t… ya drop a billion swimmers in the English Channel, one of them is going to make it to France.
-Kris McGaha
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In People’s “What Did They Look Like in High School” issue, most of the celebrities were, like, twenty-one years old. They look no different. “Who would have thought that Friends’ Jennifer Aniston was . . . a pretty girl! You’ll flip when you see sixteen-year-old Jonathan Taylor Thomas as a fourteen-year-old!”
-Tom Kenny
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At eighty-eight, the king of popcorn, Orville Redenbacher, passed away. His family is mired in an ugly dispute over whether to cremate, microwave, or air pop him.
-Stephanie Miller
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I’m a Native American, my father was an Oneida tribal chairman, and when I watched cowboy movies as a kid, I thought, “My dad could kick John Wayne’s butt!”
-Charlie Hill
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My efforts to say nothing but positive things to my son have become desperate. “You’re the best, smartest, cutest, friendliest baby, you’re… telekinetic. You move objects with thought and start fires with your brain.”
-Andy Dick
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Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown-ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets ’em ready for the real world.
-George Carlin
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Donald Trump doesn’t have much money invested in the stock market per se. Most of his money goes into junk blondes.
-David Letterman
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In an interview, the Spice Girls said that their boyfriends have to take a backseat to their music. They said, “We don’t let our personal lives interfere with our mediocrity.”
-Conan O’Brien
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I feel I should be in charge of stopping celebrities from conspicuous consumption. When Bruce Willis bought a $250,000 house for Demi Moore’s doll collection, I could have stepped in and said, “Yes, the dolls can stay, but how’s about you let some human beings keep them company?”
-Jane Edith Wilson
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My childhood was so bleak, I wanted to stick my head in my Easy Bake oven.
-Mary O’Halloran
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I was kind of a negative child. As a little girl I moved all my stuff into the basement so I could be even closer to hell.
-Penelope Lombard
