An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor.”
The American scoffed. "I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then L.A., and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The fisherman asked, "But how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, "Fifteen or 20 years.”
"But what then?”
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."
"Millions? Then what?”
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your friends."
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I got a gas grill, but it came unassembled. It looked like a car bomb. Every guy’s been where I’ve been. You finish building it, it looks great, but there’s a weird bag of important-looking
stuff left over. “Honey? Why don’t you try the grill out first? I’ll be in the basement with my Welding hat on.”
-Tim Allen
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I’m sort of bitchy. But I like being bitchy. Because it means I don’t have to deal with all those bothersome second dates.
-Allen Oelschlager
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I’m paranoid. On my stationary bike I have a rear-view mirror.
-Richard Lewis
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You have got to change those diapers every day. When it says six to twelve pounds on the side of the Pampers box, they’re not lying. That is all those things will hold.
-Jeff Foxworthy
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My friends have a baby. All you hear is, “You’ve got to come over and see the baby!” Nobody ever wants you to come over to see their grandfather. “He’s so cute, a hundred and sixty-four pounds and four ounces. He’s a thousand months. He went to the bathroom by himself today.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
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In some cultures they don’t name their babies right away. They wait and see how the child develops, like in Dances with Wolves. Unfortunately, our kids’ names would be less romantic and poetic. “This is my oldest boy, Falls Off His Tricycle, his friend Dribbles His Juice, and my beautiful daughter, Allergic to Nuts.”
-Paul Riser
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I hate changing my baby’s diapers after he poops. I know exactly what he ate at day care. Yesterday, it was carrots. Tomorrow I’m hoping for long-stemmed roses.
-Shirley Lipner
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Shouldn’t there be some kind of relationship between how much a baby eats and how much comes out the other end? It’s like at the circus, where they’ve got the tiny VW Bug but the clowns just keep coming out and out and out .... Eventually you learn how to hold your breath like a Hokkaido pearl diver.
-Dennis Miller
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My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.
-Steven Wright
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The best thing is that baby intercom, So you can monitor your child. She’s in her crib with her intercom, and can get me on mine, “Breaker One Nine, Dad. I’ve got spit-up on my shirt, and I’m packing a load. I could use some help out here.”
-Bob Saget
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From the jump, I was a high-tech daddy. I had this cool mountain backpack to carry my kids in. I was able to take them with me everywhere. The only drawback was, the babies pour that acidic Similac down your neck. But at least I have no more back hair.
-Sinbad
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