A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered, "Sure, why not." So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
--------------------
You can’t judge a book by its cover. I learned that teaching ninth-grade English. The Hustler is always hidden inside Anne of Green Gables.
-Lesley Wake
--------------------
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot. Then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
-Steven Wright
--------------------
I like to go to the bowling alley and bring a little black marble with me, and put it inside that machine that they use to polish the balls. Then call the manager over.
-James Leemer
--------------------
We were incompatible in a lot of ways. Like for example, I was a night person, and he didn’t like me.
-Wendy Liebman
--------------------
I’d like to have a boyfriend in prison, so I’d always know where he is.
-Carrie Snow
--------------------
They don’t want gay kids in the Boy Scouts. But their motto Is Be Prepared, and nobody’s more prepared than a gay Scout. My survival kit had a spice rack. My Swiss Army knife had a melon baller and garlic press. I was ready for anything.
-Bob Smith
--------------------
I stuff my bra. So if you get to second base `with me, You’ll find that the bases are loaded.
-Wendy Liebman
--------------------
My favorite marketing gimmick, the Wonderbra. Doesn’t your date notice that your chest feels like a stuffed animal? And what happens when you take it off? It’s called the Wonderbra because the guy is thinking, “I Wonder where her boobs went?”
-Rebecca Nell
--------------------
I have an ex-boyfriend who wants to stay a friend. That means he wants to keep in touch and tell me how miserable I am without him. He wrote me a letter-“I’m now seeing someone smarter and more successful than you.” I responded, “I’m now seeing someone older and balder than you.” That’ll show him.
-Maura Kennedy
--------------------
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don’t have the steam anymore. “Oh, that’s it. I can’t start shaving my legs above the knee again.”
-Elayne Boosler
--------------------
If I ever have a kid I’m definitely going to breast-feed it. Because I don’t know how to cook. I would be breast-feeding him through college. His friends will be jealous.
-Wendy Liebman
--------------------
That milk can flow from a breast is a miraculous miracle. But I can’t get past the fact that food is coming out of my wife’s breasts. What was once essentially an entertainment center has now become a juice bar.
-Paul Riser
--------------------
My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
-Rodney Dangerfield
SAVE THE PIN and SHARE